07.11.02 OKAY>>> THIS IS THE EMAIL THAT I GOT FROM BO THIS MORNING >>>>>> greetings. it is wednesday the 10th. i just had a long talk with Boyfriend. all of this has gotten way out of control. i'll precurse with the fact that i have always thought of you as someone that i will never lose touch with. i have the utmost respect for you. if i cussed on your voicemail { "9 times at work" --two, maybe three actually---only one of which even the least heated; you save your messages, look through them>>>>enough of that} it was only because i was hurt to be accused of scheming or trying to get in your pants (not by you) or that you could believe that i pulled anything out of my ass to stir up beef. i am not mad at you, i cannot be; however it is that we relate runs deeper than that, but its disconcerting to learn (from jamie and Boyfriend) that what i was under the impression would break your heart (or send you raging) you already knew. i understand how my vagueness from not wanting to get involved might have made you think something worse and i never had any idea when or what. i was completely open about never having seen or being able to vouch for shit. from the start of the (only) situation that i put myself into i said that you should talk to jamie, not me, and anything i said was forced out of me because i'm going to do just about whatever you ask me to and i didn't say, because i didn't really listen when i was being told--i never do to gossip or things about people who aren't present that i care about--i didn't have the accurate information and never claimed to. i realize this may just be mulling over stupid bullshit, but its important to me that our freindship be and stay straight up. i already had to live with myself for a year with you thinking that i couldn't pay rent because i was a junkie (may have been a junkie, but i made sure that supported itself). i guess what i'm getting at is fuck all this shit. we are above this. i loved every minute of living with you guys and loved seeing you in love. the only beef i've ever had with Boyfriend (beyond philosophical differences) is when he treated you wrong. the only reason i stuck my foot into anything is because i won't stand for you to be as upset as you were what or whoever the cause and i was mistaken.....you already knew. i love you. more than fuck-love, more than lot-love: divine love. don't get me wrong, i want for you what you want......and i realize that i don't know what that is......and that that (hopefully) will grow and change and if you have found the person who will grow and change with you or love you (relationship love) as you do than i could not be happier. all relationships get rocky--getting through that just brings people closer. i just know you've been hurt and that breaks my heart. i'll ease off. hopefully i'll get a hug from you tomorrow---my birthday (thats a secret--i seek no "crunk") >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>peace, love, one<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< |
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