05.30.03 Wow. Two entries in less than 24 hours. I thought that I was tired last night. I was wrong & didn't fully understand the meaning of the word. I now know the REAL definition of fucking tired now and I take back my statement of (previously mentioned) sleepiness from last night. BF came home (a little late) last night & I was still up, on the sofa, watching that damn show on MTV called "Kiss and Tell". What a freak-fest. SO I had talked to Mr. D earlier and we had agreed to meet later today & he was going to let me purchase some of his "medication". Less than 20 of them to not be exact at all... for the low-bargain (sarcasm) price of three dollars apiece. Fucking A, man. Then he goes and tells me that he's already given four of them to BF earlier that day. I have to pay, BF doesn't. WTF? So when BF arrives home, he walks into the front room and falls onto his knees. I am not sure whether this is an accident or not - cause he sits there for more than a few seconds. "Get your ass up & give me one of those freebies**!" Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth. "What freebies?" He asks, trying to look as straight as possible. (Feigning stupidity) "The four that your dad gave you today." "He didn't give me any." (Lie) "I JUST got off the phone with him, and he said he gave you four." "Oh, I already ate those." (Like he just remembered) "All of them?!?" "No, I gave Chip one." (Another lie) See people, this is the perfect example of what drugs do to your brain. They make you LIE. Fucking LIAR. And I told him so... That started the worst argument that we've had in quite a while. I was more pissed about the fact that he lies to me all the fucking time about everything. He usually gets busted and it usually has something to do with drugs and/or alcohol. It's pathetic for him and me. I ended up yelling/crying/etc for a couple of hours while I waited on my own stash of painkillers to kick in. I threatened to break up with him. I told him that he sucked. I told him that he was a GD LIAR. I told him that he should possibly go and fuck himself. Yeah, I probably went a little far. But he held his own in the fight - bringing up shit that only an elephant would remember. Talking about stuff that I told him in the greatest of emotional moments. [[ stuff about my dad ]] And that's when said medication started kicking in & left me a sloppy mess. Crying hysterically. Then I drifted off into a semi-coma until the alarm went off at 6:30. When I woke up this morning, I immediately felt bad. I felt like a total crack baby - eyes swollen, drugs still pumping furiously through my system, limbs moving slowly - and was actually regretful of the scene I had caused before. But torn because he lies to me all the time 'like it ain't no thang' & then gets highly defensive when busted out. I don't want to break up with him. Suddenly filled with such regret. I hope that he is there when I get home tonight...
**Insert name of medication here |
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