05.22.04 (Cross-posted to my livejournal) BF found out yesterday that his dad also has colon cancer. They (the doctors) cannot give him chemo because he also has congestive heart failure - which we already knew about. R (BF's dad) has known about the cancer for months but hasn't told anyone. He doesn't want BF to tell his sister or any of his other family because he doesn't want anyone to worry about him... BF was very upset last night. He (for once) asked me to give him some time alone to think (and probably cry a little because he won't cry in front of me. Even when Adam died, he barely showed any emotion - and that was his best friend in the world. This has many implications and complications... until now, R ran the business though he was often home sick and BF ran things while he was gone. Now the business belongs to BF completely and he's only 22 years old. What an overwhelming thing... R is his only family besides his sister & grandparents who live 2 states away. R and BF are like best buddies too, they hang out all the time. BF loves his dad more than anything... It's hard to deal with this cause I don't know what to do or say. I lost my Mamaw in 2002 who was like a mother to me but it was a little different because she was so sickly for years & it was almost a relief for her suffering to end. I loved her with all my heart - and cried for MY loss, not hers. She went to a better place. In her final days, which I sat at her hospital bedside - she pleaded with GOD to take her. That was painful, but when she took her last breath it was a blessing because she was ready to go. With R, however, he's fairly young in his life (mid-fourties, I think) and still had plans and dreams and all that. He doesn't and isn't ready to leave yet. I don't know how to console BF. I feel like this will change him forever. I want to be strong for him like he's always been strong for me. I want to make everything better - to take back all the disagreements that I've had with R, to help him anyway that I can, to help them both. Therefore, I cannot break down. I must be strong - I must take the role of the constant "rock" the constant "hope" for BF. This is going to be so hard. |
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