I'm so scared because BF is telling everyone about our "date" for the wedding. I was just all pilled-out when we planned it, but to him it is set in stone. He has told all his friends and family, including choosing a best man and inviting his neice and nephew to be in the wedding.
I have yet to tell my mother about any of this. She is still getting over the shock of my going back to school full time and quitting my job.
I can hear her words now as though they echo from already being spoken - "Abbey, what the fuck?" "You need to wait until you have a career" "BF isn't good enough for you" "You are making a mistake"... etc, infinity.
April 6th, 2004 - let's.... let's stay to-ge-ther...
Listening to one of my infamous "Sleep CDs" - God I love these songs...BF & I are talking about getting married. We'd really like to just "get it over with" because we figure that we are going to be together for EVER - so might as well make it official. We've been dating (and co-habitating off and on) for EVER too... Over 4 years. It just seems like the right thing to do.
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April 17th, 2004 - Decisions
...BF & I talked again about getting married. This time we actually talked about a date, a place, details, etc. There are a few things that worry me though. The thought of telling my mother is probably number one on that list. I know she likes BF, but she wants me to finish school & get a career before I even think about marriage. Plus she thinks that there is NO person that is worthy of her only daughter. I am also a little concerned with finishing school & such. But BF is totally supportive of my dreams and goals - he has said that several times. I'm also worried that things will change between us. I mean, I know they'll change but I hope that it is a pleasant change. Between me & my meds & my therapy & my mood swings - I hope he can handle that. And him with his extreme dedication to his job & his father & his music & a few of his bad habits - I hope that I can handle that, too.
Details, details, details... I'm thinking if we "do it", then it will be Saturday, October 30. It will be a night wedding (and the night before Halloween) and I would like to have it at Banning Mills, which is an historic old mill outside of town that has been renovated but overlooks the river. It sits way off the highway, surrounded by trees as tall as heaven. I want lots of candles, acoustic guitars, friends, family, and beatiful flowers. I want my grandfather to marry us if he would. I want it to be a fun event.
BUT - how do I know if I'm ready? Is there a time? Is this the season of my life where something like this could be a good thing? So many questions, one answer only - we love each other. Is that enough???