02.19.04 The little cell phone screen says that there are 6 new messages. I am willing to bet that at least 5 and a half of those are for BF and not me - that one half of a call that I'm counting is where his friend actually acknowledges that he is calling MY CELLPHONE and not just BF. Thanks assholes. I quit the meds (or at least I'm down to just two - the Lexepro & Xanax)... I've been self-medicating for years now and found that nothing works better than a nice little benzo or a stiff drink. That other shit has made me like a shuffling-robe-wearing-jello-eating mental patient. Everyone at work just keeps on with the CUTE comments like "Someone sure must've stayed up late last night!!!" or "You look like you need some coffee" or "I'll come back when you've had time to wake up." They have no idea that I am on enough sedatives to kill someone and probably think that I am living like a rock star every night or something. Promise: The next person that says something about sleep or lack thereof is going to get a sharp #2 pencil straight through the eyeball. Last night I had a couple more uninvited houseguests (Les & Michelle2) who are currently getting up at 7:30 am to make it to the methadone clinic for their morning fix. Meanwhile, I'm chugging coffee and pulling on pantyhose to go to FUCKING WORK like every fucking other person in the world. Grow up already. One of the missed calls is from Michelle2 and I can already predict what the message says... They want to crash here again tonight. Lydia listened to me bitch incessantly about that so I won't go any further into it. B0 argued with me for a good hour last night about how I apparently suck. I mean for shit's sake - I don't have a rich mommy & daddy to constantly bail me out of jail and/or pay for $50,000 rehab vacations. I actually have to work and be a fucking CONSUMER. I am tired a lot because I work & usually end up in front of the television at night because I worked all day. By watching television I am somehow contributing to the 'machine' of capitalism. Fucking Geez-Louise. I buy shit. Yes. I suck. My friends need to grow up for reals. BO just thinks that he is making some sort of universal change by eating some packaged food that's labeled organic (which by the way is purchased by his mom) and by rolling his own cigarettes and by being a goddamn self-righteous hippie fuck. Which leads to me being "what's wrong with our society". Cause I eat McNuggets and watch TV. Fuck you. Can anyone tell that I stopped taking my sedatives? HAHAHAHA. And while I'm ranting about random shit - I just want to say that I work with a bunch of complete morons who somehow managed to earn PhD's yet cannot master the art of downloading a fucking word document. Instead they whine and ask a bunch of stupid questions until I download it and print it for them to read. Is this a sign of mental retardation or just laziness? |
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