02.02.04 Okay, I haven't locked up yet - I'm very very very confused right now. I'm sitting here at work trying not to cry... I spent 6 hours in the emergency room with BF last night. He had a grand mal seizure in my kitchen around 2 pm yesterday... after a night of partying. It started Saturday night - his official birthday party, I mean. He's been partying all week, but Saturday we got a keg and invited all our friends over. I don't remember much because I ate a handful of lorecets to top off the fact that I'd been eating xanax all fucking day. At one point in the night I was standing there talking to some girl about the photos on the wall and I just THREW UP all over myself. I barely got to the bathroom before I threw up again. And again. There was all kinds of puke everywhere in the hallway and bathroom - it was totally sick. After throwing up, I was pretty much done for the night so I passed out in the front room while BF and his friends drank out of the keg on the back deck. When I got up Sunday morning, they were still working on that beer (11am) and doing meth on my kitchen table. There was some dude there that I didn't recognize and he was being a huge smart-ass so I excused myself to take a shower. Sometime after that I took one of our other friends (Joe) home and went to the store to get some non-alcoholic drinks. Then I got back to our house and sat at the table with the guys. I went into the livingroom to grab my smokes and heard some commotion going on in the kitchen. At first I thought that R0bert and BF were wrestling on the floor but when I got in the room I saw that R0bert was trying to put something in BF's mouth (to keep him from swallowing his tongue). He was on the floor jerking and convulsing, his eyes wide open, blood & spit coming out of the corners of his mouth. It was reminiscent of our night at the movies a couple of years ago. I ran to get the phone and called 911... Time check? His seizure lasted about 7-8 minutes. As I was out of my mind, I forgot that our neighbor is an EMT. I ran out of the house and over to Zack's house where I screamed through his screen door. He ran out to his jeep and got his paramedic bag and ran back over to our house. BF was still seizing, though he had stopped jerking and was now twitching and unconscious. The weird part being that his eyes were wide open which sent me into hysterics because I thought he was fucking DEAD. The paramedics were too late because Zack had already gotten him back in this world and sitting up straight. They offered to take him to the hospital but I refused, saying that I'd drive him. I cleaned his face off, changed his shirt, and put on his shoes. Then when I told him that we had to go to the hospital, he was all confused - arguing that nothing had happened (he didn't remember any of the seizure) and claiming that we were all "fucking with him"... He was still slurring his speech and not really making any sense. He couldn't remember what day it was or how old he was or anything. The doctor at the hospital was an ass. But partially, I can't blame him, not after he told us the results of BF's blood test. We were very scared because I knew that BF had been doing meth. What I didn't know was that the doctor was about to read a fucking laundry list of substances that they found in his blood. Here goes:
Alcohol (of course) I cried myself to sleep last night, worried sick. They did a catskan on him and determined that there wasn't any reason (other than a massive drug overdose) that could have caused it. The doctor also said that it was highly likely that he could experience another one within 72 hours of the last one - AND that it could be bigger and badder than the first. First off, I had no idea of the plethora of drugs that he had in his system. I had no idea that he had such a lack of care or lack of judgment or lack of fucking sense... It's like he doesn't even remember Adam. It's like it was all for nothing. I can't finish this. |
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