01.30.04 I don't feel like I have enough time. I've spent the last two days popping pills (even at work) and writing letters to my friends. Letters in my head that will never come out on a piece of paper or be sent. R0bert is still sort of living with us... His stuff is still in my foyer, but he usually only comes in to sleep at night. I vaguely remember making an ass of myself yesterday in the hallway - I had to be so OBVIOUSLY intoxicated or just plain retarded. I can't remember. I barely remember my therapy last night, either... I remember Lydia & I discussing medication again (little does she know) and she said (or suggested) making a plan. Or maybe I just made that up. Either way, on the way home I started with my plan. MY plan, not anyone else's. Not BF's plan or my mother's plan. MINE. I am going to pay off all my credit cards while I live like a bum for the next few months. I am going to start saving money like it's my goddamn job. I am going to take one class at the last college I attended so that I may once again be in good standing. I am currently on probation for dropping too many classes though I have a 4.0 GPA. Once I am in good standing, I am QUITTING my goddamn job and going back to school full time. Then I will take out massive student loans in order to live. I will also begin to sew again. This will help with the income etc. BUT- what of my plans to buy a house? Get married? Please everyone around me with my "good job" my "responsibility"???? FUCK YOU. |
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