01.15.04 Random dreaming. It's a long strange one... It's been a very long dreamy week. I have slept more in the past week than I can ever remember... even in the days of growing, when I would collapse onto the sofa after highschool and sleep straight on until the next morning. I've been doing that exact same thing every day this week - and I expect I'll do it again tonight. BF joined me in my early (6pm) bedtime last night. He claimed that he was also very tired - only he kept trying to kiss my neck and run his fingers around my waist in an obvious attempt at NOT sleeping. I fell asleep quickly and woke up at about midnight to see BF sitting on the foot of the bed, rubbing his neck. I got up for a few minutes to get some liquid and instantly passed out again. I know "the way he thinks" and so I'm sure that he is wondering if I'm mad at him. I can't even stay up long enough to convince him otherwise. ------- R0bert is -bigsurprise- still here. He claimed that he was moving on Monday as soon as he got his paycheck. It's now Thursday and he still has shown no signs of this alleged move. Even more annoying is the fact that this little 18 year old girlfriend thing of his has taken to calling MY cellphone in order to talk to him at night. I told him to make that shit stop because this little girl is calling me all day asking if I have seen R0bert or if R0bert will be "home" later or blah, blah, blah... it's lame. I guess if I could stay awake long enough tonight, I could have a talk with him - but I don't know if I can. ------- Tuesday night I had a therapy session for the first time in a couple of weeks. I had to cancel last week's session because I had bronchitus and I almost cancelled this week because I was so incredibly sleepy. It was the first time that I cried during my session - after 6 months of talking and talking, bam. Cry. It was just for a minute but it was there - tears and snot running down my face. I kept repeating the same thing while I cried: "I'm just so tired..." ------- I decided that I want some new clothes, now I just need some money. Clothes are such a waste though... I rarely go shopping and when I do I'm so indecisive that I rarely buy anything. Add to that the fact that I also hate the mall and you've got me - still wearing some of the same clothes that I had in high school. I have one outfit that I duplicate day after day - tshirt, cardigan, jeans - I just need more of the same. I want a big soft scarf. I almost want to learn how to knit so that I can make myself one but I don't know where to learn... I tried a book but the picture directions are so confusing. I have this really pretty tank top that's more like a peice of lingere - sequins and lace - that I would like to wear but it's too cold. ------- Sprite Remix tastes like crap. ------- I haven't eaten any drugs in a while because I've been ill. I lie. I just remembered that I've been carrying around this bottle of liquid hydrocodone cough syrup for the past two weeks - its sooooo good. But it's not like real drugs because I've been taking it all the time and don't even feel fucked up anymore when I drink it. |
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