09.17.03
I ended up having two brain sessions yesterday, back to back. One with Lydia the Counselor, and one with Rob the Neighbor. (I liked the one with Rob the best because it was free.) It's funny, because at first I thought that I had a weird crush-type thing going on with him. I have only known this person for less than a week - and here I wish that I could crawl up inside his grey matter. Hahaha. Now I realize that it is that intense fascination that I sometimes have with people/things that I can't figure out. Lydia said that I am "a little closer". Rob says that I am standing on the precipice, feeling the wind from the bottom sweep up into my face and that I can hear the water burbling below. "Jump or fall", he says. "Let go." I am afraid. My whole life I have spent as this monster of energy. A purity thief. I will take whatever I can from you - give me anger, give me your confidence, give me your weakness - I will tear it from you. I will revel in it. I will roll in ecstasy at your feet (thank you Kafka). "...be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." I will push buttons and I will seduce all in one breath... and then I will spit on you after I confess my love. I made a list yesterday of everything that is (in my opinion) causing my headaches. Today I begin - crossing off that list. |
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