08.13.03 I have fallen. BF got me 30 more last night as I was complaining about almost being out. Pills are just the best. The best. The best. No mess. Hahaha. I feel fiercely relaxed, (if that is a such thing) and wonder why I could ever stop. Why I felt the need to ever stop. The speed that I got at lunch break yesterday did nothing except to balance me out to nothing. When I told BF that, he laughed & said it was good to see "me" again. What he means is the "me" that was the total junkie that he fell in love with almost 4 years ago... the one with messy dreadlocks & things tied around my wrists. [[I remember the collection of things that were around my wrist at one point. Black plastic bracelets (of course), a torn peice of fabric from one of my skirts, a stringy 'friendship' bracelet made by Em, a strip of sequins...]] Mostly things that were put there and forgotten, but mostly to serve a darker purpose. You could never understand. Mornings!! I love the way the fan in the window feels early morning. The sound. The blue of my bedroom. I hate leaning against the shower wall putting shaving cream in my hair instead of shampoo. It always takes about an hour for me to be fully coherant. That is all for now. Maybe I will post photos tommorrow. |
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