07.12.03
Random thoughts before my shower: (aka, I wish I had something better to write about)(aka, DAY 12 of not drinking)
I stopped the cycle of this past week (i think)... I got some natural sleep last night! Falling asleep to begin with was difficult, and I could've rolled over at any point & opened the drawer to the bedside table. I didn't. And this morning - I didn't have to open the drawer of socks just to wake up.
(My bedroom... kind of...)
My whole existance is based loosely on the contents of said drawers. I could read further into that if I wanted. You know it's comforting to know that I could indulge if I wanted to. And I think *that* is what gets me into trouble most - comfort.
"I drink so I can talk to assholes - That includes me" - JDM
BF asked me last night if it were okay for him to drink - to get a six-pack with his own money (for once), and I kind of rolled my eyes. Is it okay? I don't know *sarcasm*, maybe you should call your mother & ask her. Our whole thing lately is this - he gets drunk, I call him out for being a dick, he gets defensive, I cry, I wish I were drunk, I drink to get along with him. It's one of those vicious cycles again. The kind where there is a realization of the utter stupidity, repetitive undercurrents, and hurt feelings that never get fixed.
I have to accept that he is not ready to change. Or even to bend. I don't think that he even realizes my reasoning...
It is better to bend than break
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Why do some people insist on calling your phone at 7 am on a Saturday morning? Why? I just want to know. I guess it's just odd to me - getting up early when you don't have to. It's a strange phenomenon... every old person that I know gets up at the crack of dawn. (For no other apparent reason than to drink massive amounts of coffee.) And then retire to bed at 8 pm.
When I am old, I shall sleep til 3 pm and then lie around all day NOT doing old-person things.
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My accounting professor asked me yesterday - "how do you do it?" (By "it" she meant working full time AND going to school full time.)
"Very carefully" I answered.
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Now that my first test is over, I can try to relax.
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My mother is very excited about baking my grandmother a 'tye-dye' cake that she read about in one of those middle-age housewife magazines. Sunday is Granny's birthday & I am not totally sure that she will appreciate what tye-dye is... But mother is so cute for being excited.
And I am off to buy food coloring & squeezy icing. I'll be sure to lick the bowl for you...