07.01.03 I can't help but look back on the entry I made before vacation. It was a little dramatic. I feel different this week - I guess I needed a few days to... whatever... in different scenery. Sometimes I think everything would be okay if I were still traveling. I was always happy. Always waking up somewhere different. Now, I know before I open my eyes that my day will be filled with uninteresting moments that all connect into a race to the weekend. Spending most of the day wishing it OVER. I never used to wish one day away, they all seemed so short. There were crazy moments at the beach where I considered not coming back. We passed a college on the highway... I seriously considered going inside & filing out an application for employment. But then I knew that's not how I really wanted it. I would just turn into the same person working the same job with the same problems. Only tanner. It wouldn't be that hard to move because my dad lives there & I would at least have some sort of start. Then again, BF would NEVER move. EVER. He just fucking loves this city so much - loves his 'diddy' so much - loves his job so much - AHHHH! Sometimes I want to pop him in his damn eye & scream "You LIKE *that*?!? Huh?!!! You little fucker, you love it! Fuck you in your happy little browneye!" But I can't resent the fact that he is content with his life. I should be happy because he is. We've hit a bit of turbulance lately... I chose the sofa over the bed Saturday night. I let him get mad without an apology. Am I just trying to evolve? Or am I being stupid. |
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