03.17.03 My father, who was born in late February, is a Pisces. Pisces people are described as sensitive, introspective, and extremely empathetic (the �emotional dustbin� of the zodiac, if you will). They tend to absorb the emotional pain of all people, of the entire world. They are martyrs. They are the sign of the fish. And - The fish (as we all know) is the sign of Jesus, who was the ultimate martyr. Dad is an emotional person & always has been. It was more prominent when I was smaller and remember a mean drunk with a habit of physical abuse. What a torn & twisted soul. Both his mother and his grandmother were committed to mental institutions for various psychological problems. This is why my dad was given up for adoption at 8 years old when his mother had a nervous breakdown. This is why his mother before him was also adopted out. A history of mental illness� or rather, what an unlucky circumstance that they were a whole family of Pisces fish. Each generation adopted by strangers. Each generation crazier than the one before. Each generation feeling all the pain of the entire world, crushed, & caught up. I will never feel sorry for the man that also gave me up when I was 7. My mother, when I told her what had happened said that it was �inevitable�. That those hot-blooded Italians, �you just got to expect them to end up like that!� Great, Mom. I reminded her that I am half-Italian. Will I end up half-crazy? And will I become just another generation of the (insert family name here) family to �go off the deep end�? No. I will never have children. I will never pass this crazy gene. I will never let the world envelop me in all its hatefulness. I promise myself. He, (dad) is in a bad place now. Full pain � yet numbness. Floating HIGH on Lithium, & other anti-psychotics. I don�t want to think about it anymore. |
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