01.27.03 I kinda abandoned that whole "life story" shit. I can't/don't/won't want to remember what happened next in my life... rehab, more dead friends, an abortion, jail, etc... Same old story that everyone has... Ha. Maybe I will write it out later but for the moment it is dead. Like me. He-he. It's like Garth from Wayne's World said, we must "Live in the NOW, man" And in the now, I have found out that success is having enough money and enough sex. I surely don't have much of either. And in the now, I find that I REALLY just don't want to "do it" anymore. Maybe it's just the BF. Maybe it's because we've done it about 47 million times in every conceivable (pun intended) position. Maybe it's because I have witnessed such unsexy idiosyncrasies of his over the past 3 years of living together. Maybe it's because of what happened in May - & I can't trust him anymore... Losing that intimate feeling along with my trust... I find myself pretending to fall asleep on the couch so that he must carry me to bed. I find that my head REALLY does hurt a whole fucking lot. I find myself watching TV out of the corner of my eye when we kiss, and even when we're fucking. It has been this way for about 8 months so I don't think that it is just some stupid phase that I am going through. It's real. I find that to even get off I must think of something/someone else. It's really just fucked up, huh? |
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