12.31.02 This one is LONG. So my vacation has been worthless. I can't sleep late, my family monopolizes all my time, and all I have done is to clean everything that will stand still. Last night we rented some movies & got some wine. I didn't drink any (what?!?) Yes, it's true... I just had some good old sober fun with Kenny and Boyfriend. Well, I was sober. Boyfriend got so drunk that he fell off the sofa and was drooling everywhere. I always try to tell him "slow down" and "you are gonna get sick" but nobody listens to me. Nobody. And we watched the Bachelor. I can't believe I watch this shit, but here I am again - Addicted. He called me from work today to say he loves me. He never fucking calls me from work. He said he had some bad dream about me doing that guy from "Saved By the Bell". Hilarious. Me & Zack, hmmm... that's the same dream I once had when I was about 12 years old. Ha. My grandma stopped by my house today to drop off the birdcage & stand that she fucking CARVED me. Yes. It is beautiful. And then she took me out for pizza --- what a lovely rainy day. The only thing was that she stopped by unnanounced and I had to make a mad dash to hide ashtrays, wine bottles, midget porn, etc... So as to not tarnish the -sweet angel- image (yeah, right) that my grandparents have of me. --------------- Things that I will definately do for the New Year tonight: 1. Drink. Duh. 2. Stay home with Boyfriend (I mean FIANCE) & a bottle of Champagne (or 3) 3. Run an incredible bubble bath for us - complete with candles and loud music. 4. Turn off my cell. 5. Get it on.- (I am so sure that you all really wanted to know that!) --------------- And what is different about me/with me/around me, from this time last year? First. There will be no party at my house for the first year that I can remember- ever. I am looking at photos from last year's party and thinking... I haven't really seen any of those people since that night. Many of them, couples, are broken up or married. Others, moved away, went to jail or rehab, or are JUST gone... The old roomate & Boo-boo... What the hell ever happened to those people? Jo-Jo used to come over every single night... Brent & Jamie, Carla & Ben, Billy's crew, the Chickenheads... Is it me? Have I "grown up" or "grown away"? Second. I have a way better house & job this year - and hardly any friends left to trash the new house. I remember working last year around Christmas - 60+ hours a week for about the same pay as I get now for 3 days of work. I remember not being able to buy things at Christmas. But I was having more fun. Third. Boyfriend to Fiance. We have had sooo many major changes this past year. From moving in February - in with his father - and then the big blowout with his father - and then moving back in with my mom in April - and then breaking up in May - and then getting back together in June - then moving again in August - then having a huge fallout in November - then getting engaged in December. Goddamn. We are back at square one. Fourth. My Mamaw. My first holiday with her gone. A whole year of what seemed to be constant turmoil. A whole year of trying to figure everything out but finding out nothing. A whole year of trying to stay sober. A whole year of change. I hope that I don't look back on this New Year's Eve next year and think "God, I had it so good", cause that would mean that the next year will suck harder than this last one. |
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