12.26.02 My dad called last night... "Love you angel", "Casey is in the hospital"... Casey - my stepbrother, 18 years old - whom I have only been around a handful of times, who visits my dad & his wife (mother) more than I do, who got a new Yamaha guitar & a PS2 for Christmas - while I got some pajamas & some bubblebath, who has never had a hard luck day in his life... Never worked, never ate only bread for lunch & dinner, never worried with another person's pain, never, never, never... Took 15 Lorecets (Hydracodones - painkillers), the big white ones, the "good" ones, the ones that I love and I asked him for one the last night that I was there visiting this weekend... And for those of you who know about prescription drugs, it only takes about 5 of those things to fucking KILL you... Because his little girlfriend broke up with him Christmas morning. ---------- My dad sounded angry on the phone. The old dad that I know all too well. The dad that is always there right under the surface. He sounded drunk. As much anger as I have for my father, I melt when I am around him and become like that little girl who stood crying when he left us. Me & my mother. I feel like kicking Casey's ass. Hard. What a punk ass mother fucker. I feel like telling him about - Adam - and - Jay - and how I have watched too many people be "invincible" and DIE. ------------- My dad called back several hours later to say that Casey had made it. In ICU overnight with his belly full of charcoal. I remember him when he was a kid. Through pictures that my dad would send me, and I was jealous. My dad would be holding Casey who wasn't even his child - and there would be toys in the background, and pizza boxes... And I would cry and wish that my father was there with ME and MY TOYS and eating FUCKING PIZZA WITH ME. 8 hours away from this town I live in... Fuck you. |
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