10.03.02 Eating hotdogs again. I am debating about going to class after work today. As of yet, I still haven't purchased the required text for the course. I can't afford that shit until I get paid on Friday. Even then I can't really afford it. There is no point going to class without the book when all we do comes from the end of the chapters. -------- Stagnant. I can't feel my body. The waves of my moods are crushing my fucking brain into a stand-still motion. My skin crawls and the ashtray is full. Ma-Maw's house closes tommorrow. Then it belongs to someone else. The end of my childhood. The closing of an era. (Sooo melodramatic.) Please stop me. They will give it life again. And I hope that their children find the drawing that I did on the inside of my closet door... a drawing of a devil with bleeding horns... a pre-pubescent self-portrait. And I hope that they find themselves in that kitchen one sunny fucking weekday morning before anyone else is awake, and they look up at the high ceiling and feel like the time there is fucking ENDLESS... And in the evening when the sun is setting- on the front porch, smoking a cigarette and wishing. And I hope that it feels like home. |
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