08.07.02 Her house was overly warm & smelled like a "basement"... I fought tears away as I waded through the cobwebs... I took what I wanted, what was MINE, what I had left there, what she would have wanted me to have. I took the iron bed. The bed that I slept on for most of my younger years. I tried to find the quilt that used to stay on that bed, but my relatives (the fucking vultures), must have already claimed that for themselves. It was a bad dream. No, it was real. Looking at my childhood home all covered in decay & falling in... I remember running down that same hallway & I was laughing & it was bright & it smelled like breakfast... Now the pictures are rotting off the hallway walls. Its strange how a house dies after its owners... I miss you so fucking unbelievably much! My Grandma loved this house. In the late stages of her alzheimer's she would ask to come back here... She didn't realize the poor condition it was in after all this time being empty.... When papa died, she started to show the classic signs. Everyone thought that it was depression and that it would pass. Shortly after, I left the house at 16 for college... And then mum got married & left her all alone. So I couldn't be sure exactly when it happened. Or the week that this house died. & dammit I can hardly remember what it used to look like. Or when her favorite chair became motheaten. dammit, I can't stop crying.... |
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