07.30.02

(Fuck. I just spent an hour on an entry and lost it. Here is the shorter version)

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Did you wave?

I didn't see your hand but it could've been there. You have gotten so good [too good] at hiding it. Being your friend just wasn't enough.

It never is.

You are back there again... in rehab... & my sympathy is completely gone. (It left last night with my patience.) Rehab, my ass. Rehab= try harder & hide better.
And so I wish my life were as charmed as yours, my friends as never-changing as me, my parents as forgiving, my lawyer as slick, my luck (& bank account) as never-fucking-ending...

BUT I know that its easier. FUCK...I know. iknowiknowiknow. But I've been clean for an ETERNITY ---- (2 years in December) and every day is my fucking life & death. I constantly tune that static out- I stuff myself daily with words, candy, cigarettes, love, music, sex, movies, stupid diaries, work, la, la, la.... and it sucks. But if I can fucking do it- yadayadayada- so can you. My god, I wish they'd keep you there for ever, because at this point there is no hope for you. You are the fucking static...

It JUST pisses me off.

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