06.29.05

I slept for 14 hours last night � beginning at 5:30 pm... still tired.
Wish I had a mini-recorder to document odd things that happen, peculiar feelings, things that are usually lost in the writing of. I recently told myself that I would start writing again, if for nothing more than documentation of my daily existence. (As if that needed to be recorded.)
Back in the same old routine that I had before � wakeworklunchworkdinnerTV (if not for lack of cable)bed. REPEAT. Occasionally changes with trips to the market or library. And this weekend we are going to the beach for 3 whole days�
So many confused feelings � i.e. what am I doing with myself? What am I doing here in NC?? Want to move back home to GA, want to go back to old job & friends, want to move to different place (maybe closer to beach), want to fix my car; want to quit my job again. Wondering how long you can go without a constant. Forever, I guess. What is constant for me now? BF has always been and NOT been at the same time. I guess that he doesn�t really count.
My neighbors (the ones that I became friends with) moved to a house across town. Harder now to escape my apartment in the evenings save for getting in my car and driving.
Especially irritated with BF�s cousin who befriended me in the beginning of March, then without warning just stopped returning my calls. Wait� did call a couple of times to ask favors. UGH. Sad that I even care but considering that she was one of the only people that I knew here and to realize that I was only a novelty for her when I first arrived.
It�s so fucking hard to make friends after 25.
I think that I�ll give it a year (starting from the time of the move in February) to decide� At least then I won�t be breaking any lease or being considerably impatient. Figure that by then will be settled and won�t have to refer to piece of looseleaf paper to recite home address. Hopefully NOT still marveling at the smallness of this town. Realizing that I do not appreciate small towns in southern US. Realizing that I miss the old familiar sounds of late night sirens, traffic, and crowded lunch hours.

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