04.03.04 Yesterday was just good - and sucky - but mostly just good. After my session with Lydia on Thursday afternoon, I feel much better about "what the hell am I doing out of work" thing. She told me that I'm not supposed to be doing anything except what I WANT to do. Which I am certainly going to do. B0 came over at about noon - edgy and anxiously waiting on a phone call. He missed his weekly piss test again by oversleeping. Geezus. The one thing being is that he's actually C-L-E-A-N as a fucking whistle and is just too scatterbrained to stay out of jail. OMG. (haha for use of the OMG) So I drove him 45 minutes to Douglas County to a place that does third party drug tests. His mommy had given him $200 to pay for the test, my gas money, and some extra spending money to stay out of town for a few days. Nice mommy? Yeah. We ended up afterwards at a second-hand store and I bought the most awesome lamps you've ever witnessed someone having. They are (fake) wrought iron thingies that curve at the top with the cylindrical shade that hangs straight down. There was one floor lamp & one matching table lamp. I totally kick my own ass. Then I got the most ultra soft sunshine-yellow velvet pillow and a green rug for my livingroom. Pimp. I spent the rest of the evening trying to help B0 not cry about the fact that he probably has a warrant out for his arrest. Me, playing cheesy 80's rock songs on the computer - singing loudly along with each one. Setting him up with some fabric & paint to make a blanket for Lexie (his ex-GF who is about to have a baby by another guy) and retiring for the night. He is still asleep on the sofa in the livingroom. People like it here at my house for some reason. They like to stay here and listen to my craziness and curl up on my sofa and read my books. That's good I guess... BF was all pissy last night about something he wouldn't reallly talk about. He came home late after being at his father's house all evening - probably talking about ME and what I told him about what his father had said to ME. He complained all night that he wasn't fucked up enough after 5 valiums and a six-pack. I breifly pouted that he was eating pills but reasoned that he'd had a tough day or something. Enabler? Ha. He fell asleep with his headphones on, blasting drum & bass that was keeping me awake. I slid the headphones off after he started to snore and laid them carefully on the bedside table. We were supposed to go to Chip & Amber's wedding today - I don't know if that will happen because I can't get an answer at the shop where BF works. My mom wants me to bring her some tacos and a movie because she (is secretly worried about me) not feeling like going out. Lydia warned me about spending too much time around my mother at this time on my "week off"... My mother wants me to believe that these doctors are all a bunch of quacks and all I need is to "dry it up" and get on with my life. That's why Lydia warned me not to talk with my mother too much because she devalues my feelings - her words. I don't know. I'll probably just finish my coffee, get dressed, wake up B0, take him somewhere, and go see my freaking mother. Maybe I'll even stop by BF's job & see if we're going to the wedding or not. Maybe I'll go drop off this month's rent since I've forgotten to mail it & it's already the 3rd. Maybe I'll shampoo my carpet since it needs it so badly. OR maybe I won't do anything, cause that is what I'm supposed to be doing - EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO. |
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