04.01.04 What am I doing? First off, I want to send out big thank yous to everyone that signed my guest book or left me notes. I'm too tired to reply back to each one personally - so know that I'm appreciative of every single one. Back to what the hell I'm doing... Sleeping. A whole lot. I tried the new medicine, but after taking it - felt like I was completely tripping my balls off. It was intensely scary. I felt nauseas all day with a headache and so I spent yesterday sleeping and watching movies. It hailed outside at some point, that's what BF said. Weird because it's been sunny and extremely warm in the 70's for the past few weeks and then yesterday - BAM, it hits 30 degrees in a matter of an hour or so. I slept after my mother stopped by (she called my office & discovered that I wasn't there) and after I convinced her that everything was okay, she finally left. I napped from 2pm until BF came home at 6 to find me snoring on the sofa with "Murder She Wrote" blasting on the television. I don't watch that show, I swear. Then we talked a bit and listened to some sets from Tech Itch on streaming audio. I wanted him to hold me under the covers, but he smelled like Miller Lite and his face was scruffy. I asked him to shave & shower (please) and come back to bed, but then I must have fallen asleep again before he was finished. Someone from work dropped off a bunch of groceries outside my side door. Sandwich stuff, pop tarts, chips, fruit... Odd because I just got groceries and I hate it when someone does something so nice - I often think that a nice gesture like that leaves me with an obligation. I'm not going to take the Abilify. I'm not fucking crazy - I don't need a fucking tranquilizer. It's uncomfortable being here in my house alone on a weekday. Pajamas, coffee, & cigarettes. As I sat here yesterday at the computer, I looked up to the broken pictures on the shelves above and had a crying fit. I guess I need this time alone. Something out of nothing - no stimuli. |
|