02.17.04
Here is one of the Bennster scarfs - 
Awesome.
Its so very hard to stay awake today... I had to constantly take short walks up and down the stairs at work to not fall asleep face first onto the keyboard at work. The combo of meds have also turned me into a forgetful, messy, slurring, talk-a-lot... I talked everyone's ear off about random things (mostly in the name of not nodding off) and probably came off a little weird.
Two people in the office asked me if I was "okay"... Hahaha, I have never felt so incredibly fucked up in all my life. I kept forgetting what I was doing or saying mid-sentance. Needless to say I will be asking Rowley to re-think this cocktail of pills that ingested yesterday & today. Seriously.
J1ll called me last night but I failed to answer the phone because I felt cocconed in my down throw on the sofa - listening to the live Radiohead that B0 burned for us. Kenny came over for a while and he & BF drank a lot while I hid under the comfort of the covers. BF found out through some research that benzos are actually good at PREVENTING seizures... This is actually both good news and bad news because it means he's been trying to steal my stash. Haha.
I have had loose fantasies about quiting my job for the past few days. Running home to mama's house. Leaving all this behind me.
I stopped in the BP station and as usual the guy that works there flirted a bit - he's very cute and sweet... It's more flattering than anything else.
BF and R0bert are starting a drum & bass night at the local bar in town... my baby is finally doing something again with his Djaying. I'm super proud of him.
I'm totally rambling and that's okay.
Lydia called me at work yesterday which freaked me out. Later last night I decided that I should call her back to make an appointment. I do't know why but if I didn't go I would feel guilty... like all my secrets are out there left and also because in a weird way I feel like she's my friend. Even though I pay her to listen to me.
It's fucked up.
Later....