02.13.04
Last night was just weird. Weird. I haven't felt so giddy and out of control in such a while... Rowley didn't show up for our appointment which was scheduled at 5 pm so when I got to Lydia's appointment at 6, I was a tiny bit anxious. I had wanted to discuss my current medication with Rowley - see what my options were, etc... But instead I ranted to Lydia about all the side effects and the massive upswing of mood that keeps me up all night. I must have really freaked her out because she didn't even schedule an appointment for next week like she always does at the end of our session. Instead she gave me her home phone number and insisted that I call her today to let her know how I was feeling.
As soon as I walked through the door Rowley was calling my cell phone (he had just spoken to Lydia) and directed me to go to the pharmacy where he would be calling in another prescription. (Which actually ended up being about 3 more different medications to take as well as my current one.) JEEZUZ H. CHRIST.
I don't take birth control because I'm bad at remembering to take medication. Now I have this fucking specific schedule of pills - 1/2 trileptal twice a day (300mg total), 1/2 trazedone at bedtime (50mg), 1 whole 10 mg Lexipro each morning, and 2 whole 0.5 mg xanax twice a day. I feel like a walking pharmacy - I swear.
But - This old fucker gave me a prescription to xanax, which is my one main vice and the reason that I sought alternative treatment to begin with... I guess in looking back, I really do need it medically. Fucking A.
But enough about all that shit. I was having a shitty type day of zoning out and trying to work and worrying about all kinds of shit and THEN when I arrived home there was a package wedged between the screen door and the front door. Benny sent me the SOFTEST most FANTABULOUS scarfs that she made herself. One is a super-soft teal & orange striped honey, the other is black with white trim & even included a crocheted cell phone holder to match. One thing to say about that is that Benny is the shiznit. She really made my fucked up day suck less. It's funny how I started this diary a couple of years ago and she was one of the first people that I actually started to be friends with - kinda, because it's hard to be friends over the internet. But damm... for someone to spend that much time making something so pimptastic for someone they've never met is QUITE RAD.
In fact, everyone that I've come in contact with through this diary have actually been the coolest people I've ever met - My love list:
Rhon-duh who sends me postcards from the cayman islands and leaves me dirty messages in my guestbook. Karen who is the sweetest note leaver ever and a good decent girl. Dev who loves the golden girls and phish and is totally be my gay boyfriend. De who thinks a lot the way I do about things - and is also a way cool girl. One day we will meet up for a night of girl talk & drinking margarittas. I swear. Manda who is totally understanding and super-supportive. Lynsay who is more like me than anyone I have ever NOT met - I truly believe that if we knew each other IRL that we'd be good friends. Becky who is truley beautiful and unique and inspires me every day. Christen who is cooler than cool and always makes me laugh because I can relate. Carla my WA chick who always gives good advice and sends me good cards & goodies by mail. Cookie from the Noke who is my personal hero - Bad Girls rule. Steppen who although doesn't update that much always cares enough to read my stupid stupid diary. Nikki-baby The very FIRST person that I ever met here. The baddest toughest sweet girl that has helped me through some really rough times. Kristianna (Spelling?) Who has always had a kind word or two for lil' o me... Justin who I promised to make a template for but have been too lazy to do - I still got loves for you Justin! I do... You make me laugh a lot. Lynnda who can see the humor in everything and constantly makes me choke on my morning coffee. Abby who I never (rarely) here from but is an Abbey so she's definatly cool too. Ashley who continues to put up with all the stupid shit I say in here and actually SANG me happy birthday! Autumn and Elizabeth who's concern for me is nice, I'm glad to have the readers like them... I love all these people and I'm sorry if I left you out.
I leave you with a picture from this morning - apparently after I feel asleep, BF and R0bert got busy with drinking & building interesting sculptures with thier trash. Nice.
Now who's gonna clean that up?