01.27.04 I don't know why but I just bought some of this stuff with the intention of stamping some fabric. I get weird ideas sometimes. Now that I ordered it, it seems like something that I will immediatly put in the closet and never use. I got an email from Tim today that was somewhere along the lines of "hey, I know that you guys must hate us or something because you never answer your phone for the past 3 months but I was wondering if I could get my book back". It's not that I hate them, I just don't like to hang out with them because all they ever do is smoke meth ALL the time. They (he & Michelle) are both so fucking skinny and cracked-out, full of energy (or speed), and into some pretty fucked up shit. It makes me uncomfortable about the age difference too because they are 10 years our seniors and still party like it's 1999. And the real part that gets to me is the fact that Michelle is a nurse who works with the elderly and I've seen her smoke crack on a regular basis. I just think that's fucked up. Sorry. In that line of work you shouldn't be all geeked up out of your mind all the time. Shortly after I wrote yesterday's entry I passed out on the bed. It had been a few days since I'd eaten any pills and so those hit me especially hard. (I just realized that I was ragging out someone else for doing drugs - but I have to justify it by saying that I don't smoke fucking crack.) When I woke up this morning I felt so good! So rested and refreshed. It's a big change for me, I think I might be pulling out of this current mood of the past month or so. Plus the sun was shining all day and I didn't have to drink 17 Dr. Peppers to stay awake at my desk. Good day. I have become addicted to reading the confessions on this website on an hourly basis - http://grouphug.us/ - I can't help it. Reading some of that stuff makes me feel better about myself. I swear. Tommorrow is BF's 22nd birthday. I remember my 22nd and how we were living at 115 and how the livingroom was filled with people who are no longer in my life and how it was smoky and dark and we were all laughing and I thought it (my life) would be like that forever. I'll be 25 in 14 days. Off to eat my leftover greek salad from last night... |
|