09.23.03 SO much happened that is already being forgotten. I don't know when I will ever be able to drop the bullshit - but I am ready. I. I got called on my game. He passes the first test. There are many others to play. I am still just playing anyways and I always will. My heart belongs to one. And that one forever, these things I know. II. I missed work yesterday. I just fucking woke up at 9:30 am, I was supposed to have been at work at 8. I didn't even take anything to get to sleep the night before! I checked the alarm clock (which was set to go off at 11) to make sure it was working. Hahaha. Priceless! I sabotage myself even in my sleep... III. Confession. I am and always have been anorexic. Surprise. IV. BF quit his job on Friday. The first cloud of the storm circles overhead & the skies are exploding. Secrets late Saturday night blow BF's mind. The 'fight or flight' response is cool and calculating. Will he fight along side me or will he leave me here on the floor? It's up to him now. This is who I am - this is ME. How could you not have seen straight through me? I am forever transparent. I guess people see what they want to see and the rest is quietly filed away "for a better time". The time is now. V. I have many truths to set straight with Lydia today. MANY. It is now time - I smell it. There will be a mass explosion that will shake the fucking heavens this time. I will become. I will eat. I will not destroy. I will not pound my delicate stomach with prescription comfort. I am ready. I am so FUCKING READY.
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