08.28.03 I have been putting off adding an entry here until I feel as if I have something important to say. But nothing ever seems important enough... and so I write about this "nothing". I think I butted heads with the dean this morning. I don't know how his secretary does it - takes him. He talks too much, and says the same things over and over. He rambles. I don't like rambling. Hahaha. But I may just get a raise yet. Even though I will have to do a little extra work and it would only equal out to be pennies on the dollar. At least it's something, anything to hold me in this reality of a career for much longer. Because at this point, I am hanging on by a little thin thread of logic. The logic, I can't explain. Emotion is so seperate. I find that to be my biggest struggle - to seperate the two. Why go against tradition when we can admit defeat, live in decline? All I know is that the counseling is going okay. If by okay, you mean that I feel a little better the day after I go & "talk it out". And if by okay, you mean that I haven't had the urge to kill anyone in a few days. And if by hearing that you realize that I don't actually want to kill anyone, it's just... Rage. That's what Ms. Lydia the counselor calls that feeling that I have almost daily since childhood. Rage. Hahaha. Look at me, everyone. I never got past my teenage angst. Hahaha. But on a more postive note, I think I have the university 'higher-ups' talked into purchasing (yes!) some of Clay's paintings for the building I work in. WHat do I get out of all this? Nothing, I guess. But Clay will be very excited... at least five of those paintings that are collecting dust in his basement will be traded for cash & instant notiriety. And of course the school can feel good about supporting its students and being "cultural". Another sarcastic remark, how can I resist? Maybe I can remember what I came here for after all. Maybe? |
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