08.15.03
Things are just so strange lately. I cannot seem to function without my little blue pills. And so I am nearly finished with the ones in the sock drawer.
I am all sketched out about "Celeste", this chick that I got the last batch from... she calls me often to ask if I want more. She even called BF's place of fucking employment & left a message! The message was detailed! WTF? I have never had someone so persistant, it makes me paranoid.
I am paranoid a lot lately.
So I told Celeste that I didn't do shit anymore. Then I blocked her number from calling my phone - I hate to have to do that, but she totally weirds me out & I don't have the guts to tell her that.
I found out later that she has had to move several times for fear of getting raided or whatever. No fucking wonder. You think she'd be a little more descrete.
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May (stepsister) is now in the methadone program in Jersey, along with her loser husband. She has been doing dope for years, but found that for 8 bucks a week, she can also get high on methadone. Hahaha. Fuck a damn duck.
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BF and I barely talk in the evenings, him on his turntables, me on the computer... Comfort (I guess) seems to be able to ignore each other, yet to be acutely aware of each other's presence. I love him more now than ever before, because I have let go of wanting him to be perfect.
I love that he is not perfect. He is sloppy, messy, abstract, quiet, overly excitable, drunk, clumsy, irresponsible -- but he is beautiful. I know it.
Yesterday evening, as the sun was setting, I convinced Kenny & BF to drive me over to the abandoned trainstation a few miles from our house. I have always wanted to take some photos of that place.
I didn't have much time there, so maybe I will go back soon... I don't know.
There is also a sculptor who works out of a building next to the train station. When you drive by, you can see all kinds of crazy projects that he's working on. His place is called "Iron Works"... it's kinda cool. (I posted more pics of his sculptures here)
This man is totally free.
