08.04.03 entertaining: 300 Proofs of God ------- I will leave off the rest of the details from Friday night as they are just gross. Let's just say that once again, I puked on the way home from Tim & Michelle's apartment. I slept in on Saturday. The kind of sleep where you don't change positions for the entire night, and awaken with your neck in a knot & your arm asleep. BF was gone to work (or so I thought) and I had to drink about 3 cups of coffee before I could stand straight up. My head was pounding - sweaty - achy. I fell back onto the bed and waited to die. Good news is that I didn't die as I thought I was going to, but instead crawled over to the computer to check email & make an entry here. The reason that it was to be continued is because BF came busting in the front door right in the middle of my story. I hate that shit. Apparently he had decided that he should take off early from work and go up to DVille with Tim to get some of that stuff. And so my day went. Later Saturday evening, we went out to Kenny's house to get some liquid. Sam, Kenny's friend, dropped a couple of drops in BF's mouth for free as long as BF agreed to be the guinea pig. (meaning that he would tell everyone whether or not it was any good) Well, after about an hour nothing had happened and so Sam dropped about 12 more drops in BF's mouth. I swear. It turns out that the stuff wasn't 'bunk' as they had suspected, although it did take longer than usual to kick in. After hanging out there for a while, I drove BF back to our house. He just sat there, silent, all night while I dozed on the sofa. I tried to talk to him, but I was afraid that I would freak him out. It's been so long since I dosed that I just wanted to be around him all night - though he preferred to be alone. [[ We have arranged for ourselves a world in which we can live - by positing bodies, lines, planes, causes and effects, motion and rest, form and content; without these articles of faith nobody could now endure life. But that does not prove them. Life is no argument. The conditions of life might include error. -- from Nietzsche's 'The Gay Science' ]] I cannot disturb this world that I have built around myself. I could NOT survive. ----------- And sooo - He was up all night Saturday by himself, all day Sunday (still tripping) and finally crashed last night with the help of some Xanax & Tylenol PM. Funny thing is that my mom decides to stop by my house yesterday afternoon with my stepfather & my grandmother (which never happens) to visit. There was BF, wedged on the sofa between Grandma & Mom, still tripping his balls off. I kept looking over at him & giggling... thinking how fun that must be for him. My grandma kept asking him questions to which he had no comprehensible answer. She finally just stopped because it was becoming a bit uncomfortable for everyone in the room. Great. My mother already probably thinks that BF is insane, and now probably more so. Up by myself, I watched the movie Secretary last night. It was highly disturbing & yet extremely interesting. I think it was because of the main character, Lee, and her obsession with self-mutilation. Not to mention the whole S&M thingie with her boss... I cut it off before it ended. Sometimes I just don't like to see the ending. Then I proceeded to re-read this book, for the millionth time. I had weird dreams all night. I woke up sweating. I hate this feeling, of Monday & rain, and funk. I wish this storm would just blow this whole town away - or something. |
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