07.23.03

THAT'S JUST MY "UNCLE BEN"!

Yep, I have an uncle named Ben. Who knew? I feel slightly more ethnic than I did before I knew about this uncle. Uncle Ben (UB) is my dad's little brother -- only they have different fathers. Ben isn't quite as Italian as my dad. (Just half, like me.)

When he called, I had no clue who he was or how he got my number... He's all like "Guess who!" And I was all like "I don't fucking know who it is cause I am not psychic like that". I mean, I haven't seen/heard/thought about him in like 20 years. Not since I was a little girl & my parents were still married.

Come to think of it, I don't really remember him from then. I think that I just heard stories about him from my mother. See, mom always said Ben was a fucking weirdo, but she said that about my father's entire family. I used to think that it was because she was bitter because of the divorce... from my dad... from all that shit... but the more I experience from this family, the more I believe her.

This family is sooooo weird.

Anyways, UB is a drill instructor at a marine base. When he isn't on duty he likes to shoot guns & shit like that. He has 3 little boys & a wife. His children are like little boot camp privates all yelling "YES SIR!" and being on their best behavior. His wife is all countrified but just as 'well behaved' as the children. *shudder*

I can just imagine.

First of all, this guy is fucking HUGE. Like a giant or something. And his voice is all deep & scary. Not to mention the fact that he is wearing combat boots in July.

I cannot describe the vibe there at his house. It was way intense. In fact, he was fucking intense. The way he spoke quietly - deliberately so - because I know he spends his days screaming.

I stayed there a while trying to be polite because I felt obligated. (He's family after all...)But soon it was all too much. We are all on the back patio when suddenly a FUCKING single ass tear is rolling down one of his HUGE cheeks.

"WHA?"

He is getting emotional about seeing me. What the fuck, people? This man hasn't bothered to call or write or fucking anything in the past 24 years... Now he's all happy to see me? WHY? What is going on here?

I was kind of rude as I left - making up an obvious excuse ("It's getting late") and it was only 8pm. I had to sustain myself from laughing.

[[ The next paragraph is almost verbatim of the thoughts I had while I was at UB's house. Random flashes, photos, bits of voices. My thoughts were all over the place ]]

Wow. His biceps are larger than my head. My head is pretty big. He has a 'gun room'. We just spent 10 minutes in there while I listened to stupid gun talk. He collects GI Joe dolls. He makes up stories about them. He is telling me about each one. *gag* He tries to get philosophical outside on the back deck. A horse walks freely around the fenced-in yard. There are chickens too. One day I want to have a horse. His son just caught a chicken with his bare hands. I don't even fucking know these people. He is talking religion. Maybe he is into some cult. I get uncomfortable when someone can discuss their religion like they are discussing a television program. Off-handedly & without emotion. He is weird. It's hot. I am now very uncomfortable. I can't take it when someone cries out loud. I don't know him like that. I wish I could just walk outside & smoke. I wish that I had worn pants because the mosquitoes are eating me alive. I wish he would fucking SHUT-UP I swear to God.

So anyways. Yes. Uncomfortable.

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