06.05.03 [Hey, did anyone know that the word "pumpernickel" literally means 'fart of satan'? Just thought that was really hilarious to tell BF as we lay in the bed last night in post-scrumpage bliss.] --------------------- I just realized that I have been stressing so hard about school & my project that I actually forgot to pay any bills last month. I had the money, I just forgot. I hadn't even checked my bank balance until the day before yesterday. I was all like "DAMN! I got crazy money!" Then I remembered that it all had to be given to the gas company & my landlord. --------------------- I haven't returned Tracey's call yet. Apparently they (she & her new hubby) survived the week-long honeymoon in Costa Rica & now she wants to tell me all about it. I'll pass for a few days because that is the last thing I want to hear about right now is how perfect her (or anyone else's) life is. Bah. Felt all pissy last night listening to her voice mail - and realized that I may just be a little bitter because I never get to do anything that cool. (guess its always been like that.) WAHHHH! I want to go on one of these freakin "vay-cay-shun" things that everyone keeps talking about. My family - me & mom - were so poor while I was growing up. We barely had enough money to eat & pay for a place to sleep throughout the year. There was even less cash left for traveling... so we never went on vacation. I don't have any photos of me at the beach playing with a sand-pail cause I never did. I don't even have any summer camp stories cause I certainly wasn't sent to anything that wasn't free. I used to dream about going on a National Lampoon" style family vacation with a mom & a dad in a station wagon. That's pretty sad isn't it? I mean, that movie wasn't supposed to make you sad was it? We lived out in the most rural part of the GA country, where our nearest neighbors lived a mile away. They really weren't even close enough to count as neighbors. Well, no neighbors means no kids. There weren't any other kids to play with, not even siblings because I was an only child. My entire summer vacations were spent learning how to play cards with my grandma & reading. There wasn't any cable television, air-conditioning, and certainly not any internet so most days were spent laying in the grass by the pond. That catfish pond at the back of the farm was the closest thing to a pool I can remember. Except that you didn't want to wade out into the deep end of THAT water for fear that you might not come back with all your digits in tact. And to tell you the truth, I'm glad I grew up like that. Yeah, maybe I didn't get all cultured or whatever - but my grandma taught me all I ever needed to know. And I certainly made up for the years of not traveling by hitching around the US one summer after I turned 18. Or by traveling on Phish Tour for a couple of years. I'd like to think that I got it all out of my system - the urge to see different scenery all the time. But I haven't. And all the books that I read during those years. I don't think I would have ever been the person I am without them & I am thankful for that. To be quite clich� about it, I think that reading opened many parts of my soul that could've lay closed forever. The part of me that understands why that catfish pond was better than any vacation - EVER. Period. |
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