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08.28.02

I didn't drink at all last night. Yay, for me. Woo-fucking-hoo.

It wasn't because I didn't want to... it was because I fell asleep on the couch at about 6:30 last evening... then of course, I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't sleep anymore.

So what else is there to do but get up and take some sleeping pills? I have gotta remember not to do that anymore.

*********

I haven't seen or talked to B since Sunday... I guess he is pissed at me - I so don't care.

Yes, I do.

I just wish <> that other people (B, included) could look inside my thoughts and know that I am not TRYING to be a raging bitch... I just naturally am...

Don't get me wrong, I have the best intentions... or at least I don't have bad ones.

So, when asked for a "small" favor- in my head I say: "Why, I'd be delighted to assist you in anyway that I can, fellow human-being!"

But instead what comes out is a big, fat, "fuck off!"

And I can't help it. That's just what comes out...

Like fucking tourettes. Only not.

Like when I ask Boyfriend (in the middle of a good scrumpin): "Dammit, can you hurry up?" I really mean: "I am enjoying myself here, but I really have to pee because you are putting pressure on my bladder, and would like to know how much longer I must hold it."

That's just what comes out, instead.

Dammit, how does anyone stand me? I think it's the same mentality that makes people watch the "Surgery Channel"- morbid curiosity...

It's my mother's fault- she made me crazy.

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